ok i will start us off. ps: lol sorry this is soo long also comment on which ones made you laugh the hardest i am numbering the jokes use the numbers lol
this one is to start off- If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
1.There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
2.Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
3.Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
4.Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
5.Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
6.Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
7.Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
8.You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if Chuck Norris dreams of your death you WILL die.
9.Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
10.There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
11.James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
12.Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
13.Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
14.When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
15.Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks
16.Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
17.Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.
18.Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
19.The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
20.Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris"
21.Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
22.Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.
23.Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
24.In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
25.If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
26.Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
27.It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
28.Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.
29.Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.
30.Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
31.Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
32. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.
33.Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
34.Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
35.[i made this one up my self] want to hear a joke? comparing your skills to Chuck Norris's skillz
well thats it post asking for more if you want
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Thu Dec 19, 2013 10:58 am by 
Subject: for the man him self i make this thread for...chuck norris jokes!!! 
